Dealing With Highly Opinionated People

Do you have trouble at work or in your personal life dealing with highly opinionated people? Are you annoyed because these people are continually telling you how you should be, think and behave?

Consider the possibility that the reason we may have trouble dealing with "highly opinionated individuals" is because you, me and the rest of the 6 billion people on this planet are all "highly opinionated individuals" who want to tell others how they should be, think and behave. Some withhold their opinions better than others, but we are all "highly opinionated."

When we have trouble dealing with highly opinionated individuals, we're looking in a mirror and, instead of changing what we see, we resist the reflection.

Think about it. Aren't you highly opinionated about people who are highly opinionated? Don't you judge people who seem to judge you? Don't you need to be right about people who need to be right?

People with whom we have the most difficulty are those who tell us how we "should" live, what we "should" do and how we "should" think. And don't we have trouble with these people precisely because, when we hear this "should," we rebel, dig in our heels and want to tell them they "shouldn't" tell us how we "should" live?

Consider what happens when people are told that they "should" go on a diet, stop smoking or start exercising. Consciously, they may think, "You're right. I should." But do they then go on a diet? Do they immediately start exercising? Do they stop smoking as soon as they are told they "should?"

At work, when people receive feedback that they are argumentative and poor listeners, do you see an immediate change in their behavior? When your spouse, boss and/or friends tell you how you "should" behave, you immediately change. Right?

Instead, many people nod their heads as though they agree and, then, continue doing exactly what they've always done. After all, no one "should" be telling them what they "should" do!

That's why anyone who teaches how to have harmonious, peaceful, fulfilling relationships starts by talking about listening and, especially, listening to people who tell us how we "should" behave, think and be. Perhaps this is exactly what we "should" do, if only we weren't so busy telling them (out loud or only in our thoughts) they "shouldn't" "should" us.

I'm not suggesting you should always do what you are told you should do. You may choose to ignore the advice. But don't ignore it without first paraphrasing what the person is saying to be sure you understand. There may be just a smidgen of possibility within what they say that will not only give you access to a new and better relationship but access to a new and better life.